


Blurry

by Suvin



Series: The Ill-Fated yet Sweet Relationship [3]
Category: MYTEEN (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, idk how to tag, suhwan waits, yuvin is always busy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 10:10:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20562587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suvin/pseuds/Suvin
Summary: Suhwan stared at the television, blinking as if he couldn’t believe what he saw. Apparently, Yuvin listed down his ideal type of girl and nowhere near there is him. Was that the reason why Yuvin had been ignoring him? Did he finally realize that Suhwan was actually not the one for him?





	Blurry

**Author's Note:**

> Because I miss SuVin interacting in IG and Yuvin is not replying on Suhwan's comments so i just had to /wheezes/
> 
> Unbeta-ed. I didn't check this so probably there are a lot of typos hngh
> 
> I apologize in advance!
> 
> Please read the end notes!

Suhwan had been getting insecure about himself ever since the dating issue of Yuvin surfaced. Yuvin and him haven’t talked about exes yet so it took him by surprise. Yuvin called him immediately, apologizing to him, saying that it was years ago and everything was over already. Suhwan trusted him of course and told him that it’s okay. He knows Yuvin is not that type of guy. But the more Suhwan stared at the photo, the more his stomach churns. She was his latest ex-girlfriend and she is really pretty. 

Suhwan knew all along that Yuvin’s closest friend in Produce is Yohan because despite of being in different groups during evaluations except the last one, Yuvin and Yohan still find time to hang out together. Suhwan witnessed that a lot of times. He also knew that Yuvin had a slight crush on Yohan before but Yuvin had been assuring Suhwan that that crush towards Yohan is nothing. Yohan also had an idea on Yuvin’s crush and both of them likes to joke around about it. But there are times Suhwan felt bitter about it. 

He knows he is not someone with that outstanding visual. He was rejected by different companies not because he lacks of talent, but because of it. It led him to wonder what Yuvin saw on him. How did he even manage to attract Yuvin? He was not thinking about these things before but now, seeing some trainees getting casted by companies, has debut plans and he's just there, waiting for a call made him think about what he is lacking. Also, there's this reality that Yuvin is getting farther to reach at. 

It was his birthday yesterday. He was expecting an 00:00 greeting from Yuvin but that didn't came. So that's what it feels having a boyfriend who is popular. Suhwan promised Yuvin that he will be understanding with regards to his current situationㅡabout him being busy and unable to contact him muchㅡsince they're going to release their album soon but he'd be lying if he'll say he's not disappointed. Greetings flooded here and there, Kookheon even had the time to call just to greet him and yet, nothing from Yuvin came.

Despite that, Suhwan managed to hype up his mood for his fans who organized a mini fanmeeting on his birthday. It has always been overwhelming to know that there are a lot of people supporting him. Yes, he wants to debut because it's his dream, he wants to stand on the stage once again (hopefully on the same stage with Yuvin), but it was also his fans who kept him going, not giving up because he wants to payback all the love and support they gave him. The fanmeeting went well and he honestly forgot about Yuvin for a few hours not until he managed to go back to his apartment and checked that Yuvin still hadn't spared his time just to greet him. Did he forgot about his birthday? Big possibility. Yuvin sometimes does especially when he's too preoccupied with things. But he is sure Kookheon could have mentioned it in between their conversation, right? 

He didn't receive anything that night. 

The next morning, there was a kakaotalk notification from Yuvin. He apologized for not being able to greet him on his special day saying that he was so busy he couldn't even hold his phone. He wished him a happy birthday, he told Suhwan that he loves him, and he said not to grow taller because he loves his height. It was a sweet birthday message and in normal circumstances, Suhwan would have retaliate about the height joke but he didn't. Instead, he left the message on read and didn't bother replying it. He spent his day with his friends; a part two of his birthday celebration, they said. But it was obvious that he was upset, that something is bother himㅡhis friends said so. 

Yuvin should have known that Suhwan is mad at him. He even left his message on read for him to understand how Suhwan feels right now but he didn't even try reaching out and contact him the whole day. But despite of feling upset, he still watched Radio Star where Yuvin is appearing and realized it was a bad idea. They talked about Yuvin and Sohee's past relationship and even enumerated Yuvin's ideal type. 

It'sbeen more than a week since he heard Yuvin's voice. It's been more than a week since their chats are becoming stagnant. Suhwan doesn't blame him. He is busy after all. He understands. But everything that he had been thinking, the insecurities about himself came back in a flash. He never doubted Yuvin's feelings for him but now, he doesn't even know anymore. He's even nowhere near in the list of his ideal type. Did he finally realize that Suhwan is not the one for him? Was that the reason why Yuvin is barely talking to him anymore? 

He hates thinking like this. He really does. But he can't help it. He stood in front of the mirror and looks at himself and Suhwan can feel his eyes sting because of the unshed tears he is trying to hold back. Being rejected by the companies he auditioned with hurts already but Yuvin rejecting him feels like his heart is being stomped over and over again.

A lone tear fell from his eyes when his kakaotalk notification goes off and when he checked it, his breath hitched when he saw from who it was. 

**My Yuvinnie-hyung ♡**

_ Suhwan?  _

_ _ **00:20**

_ I know you're not asleep.  _

**00:20**

_ You're leaving me on read. _

**00:20**

_ Are you mad?  _

Suhwan's phone rang and it's Yuvin who is calling. He decided not to answer though because if he will, he might end up crying and he doesn't want to be an additional stress. Instead, he turned off the television, and his phone and went to sleep. Maybe, just maybe, it'll be okay tomorrow. 

* * *

Suhwan shifted on his sleep when a loud ringing woke him up. He is sure he turned off his phone so who or rather what was that noise? Oh, his doorbell. Checking the clock beside his bed he thought whoo the hell would go at his apartment at two in the morning. 

Getting out of the bed just to check who is behind the door, Suhwan was surprised to see Yuvin in the monitor, standing in front of Suhwan's door, trying to murder the doorbell. Panic builds up inside of Suhwan because why- why is Yuvin here? Shouldn't he be in Gangnam? In his own apartment? 

Suhwan turned off the monitor and opened the door for Yuvin. The sight of the older man makes Suhwan almost sob. He looks so, so tired and is in need of 12 hours of sleep. Suhwan didn't miss the relief that passed Yuvin's face when the door opened for him.

"Can I come in?" Yuvin's voice is quite hoarse, Suhwan wants to sprint to the kitchen to make him a cup of tea. Suhwan stepped aside to let him in, closing the door once Yuvin did. 

"What are you--" Before he can even ask, Yuvin engulfed Suhwan in a hug leaving him speechless. He blinked his eyes, once, twice before wrapping his arms around the latter.

They stood there in the middle of Suhwan's living room in silence. Suhwan has a lot to say but at that moment he thinks that it's not the right time yet on telling Yuvin about what had been on his mind lately. Yuvin leaned back after a while, cupping both of Suhwan's cheeks with his palm. Suhwan didn't move when Yuvin leaned closer, closing the gap between their lips and he instantly melted. How long had it been since the last time they kissed? Suhwan couldn't remember. The only thing he know right now is how much he missed it. The kiss is sweet and it seems like Yuvin wants to convey something from the way his lips move against Suhwan's. Yuvin pulled away from the kiss first, leaning his forehead against Suhwan's. 

"I'm sorry." Yuvin started, running one of his thumbs on Suhwan's cheek. Suhwan let him continue. "I made a lot of thinking earlier…" 

Waitㅡ what? Is this the moment where Yuvin will break up with him? So it was a goodbye kiss? It was just his birthday two days ago goddamit. Why couldn't he even wait until maybe two weeks after his birthday? At least it wouldn't hurt that much. Until their last day, Yuvin is still rude. And it's nearly three in the morning! He doesn't need this kind of emotional stress before he goes to sleep. Suhwan learned how to be strong when those companies he auditioned at slipped away from his hands. But is Suhwan will just really let Yuvin go without a fight?

"Please don't break up with meㅡ" Suhwan interrupted him, stepping away from Yuvin while hanging his head low. 

"What?" Yuvin asked, stunned.

"Don't break up with me. I know sometimesㅡ most of the times I seek for your attention to the point that you might have thought I am too clingy already and you're always busy with work but I'll do my best to lessen that. Just please don't break up with me." The way Suhwan's voice almost break when he said those last words made him feel small. He sound so desperate but he doesn't even care anymore. 

"Suhwanㅡ wait ㅡ what are you even saying?"

"Aren't you breaking up with me?" 

Silence engulfed both of them until Yuvin released a frustrated groan, "Fuck," while running a harsh hand through his hair. When Yuvin saw how Suhwan flinched when he cursed, he immediately took the boy in front of him and into his arms. 

"No Suhwan, i didn't say that to you okay? It's for me." Yuvin lifted Suhwan up, and the latter wraps his legs around Yuvin's waist, burying his face on the crook of his (soon to be ex?) boyfriend's neck with hid arms around it. Yuvin is thankful that Suhwan didn't struggle when he was being carried towards the bedroom. He sat on the bed with his lap full of Suhwan but apparently Suhwan didn't want to let him go. 

"Suhwan, hey. Look at me." Yuvin coaxed Suhwan to let go and face him but the latter doesn't want to so Yuvin didn't push him anymore. Instead, he wraps his arms aroung Suhwan's waist to pull him closer, leaning his head against Suhwan's. "Just listen to me then."

A nod. 

"Maybe if you weren't so busy overthinking earlier you would have heard what I said." Yuvin chuckled. "I'm not breaking up with you. Why would I even do that when you're the most precious person in my life right now? As I said, I made a lot of thinking and I realized I was a big whole dick towards you. I got too focused on my career that I couldn't even spare a moment of my time to talk with you. Maybe I unconsciously took advantage of the fact that you promised that you will understand and will always be there for me. Because I know you will always be. Though these past few days I've been trying to finish up all my schedules to go and see you on your birthday but unfortunately, work keep on piling up. Still, it was not an excuse for me to forget greeting you on your special day.

I'm mad at myself. I made you think that I'm breaking up with you and that means, it crossed your mind that I probably don't love you anymore. It made me realize how much I've been neglecting you; making your trust for me waver, and made you doubt my feelings for you. It pains me when I think about it but I couldn't imagine how hurt you must have felt." Yuvin can already feel the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

When Suhwan left him on read, Yuvin was sure something was wrong. It was not so Suhwan-like to do Suhwan didn't even sent him a good morning text. He was thinking that the latter was probably busy. However, the day went on and Suhwan still didn't contact him. He talked to Kookheon about it that night and the older man didn't even hesitate to knock some sense to Yuvin. Apparently, Suhwan had been asking Kookheon about him, about their relationship, his worries, but he promised Suhwan he won't tell anything. So he didn't. But maybe it was time that he should, so he did.

Kookheon didn't just knock some sense into him. He was punched left and right with an additional kick here and there. The guilt built up inside him and he felt like puking in anxiety with what he heard. Neglecting Suhwan was never his intention. He honestly just want to finish everything to finally spend time with his boyfriend but unknowingly, he was doing that instead. And it was like, for the first time, it was him who reached out to Suhwan. He felt even worse realizing that. He saw how the  _ 1 _ kept on disappearing in their chat but Suhwan was not replying to any of them. He didn't pick up his call too. It was more than just Suhwan being upset. It took a toll on him for a day. How much more when Suhwan was waiting for his replies, trying to call him for days? 

When Yuvin felt Suhwan loosened his arms around him, he carefully leaned him back to look at him adoringly. Suhwan's face is all kind of twisted, trying to stop himself from crying. "I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you, Suhwan. I've been a jerk to you and yet you're still willing to put up with me. And you don't need to change anything about yourself." Yuvin cupped Suhwan's cheek with his free hand and placed a soft peck on Suhwan's nose, then to his lips. "Clichè as it may sound, but I really do love you for who you are; from your flaws to everything that is great about you. I know you watched the show earlier, and I know how your mind ran when we talked about Sohee. Did that trigger your thoughts of me breaking up with you?" 

Yuvin didn't receive any answer but the the soft sniffles and tears wetting his thumb that Suhwan gives away tell him that yes, it did. He hates seeing Suhwan cry and he hates it even more especially if he's the cause of it. He knows about Suhwan's insecurities. They indirectly talked about it before, even during produce. It was hard convincing Suhwan that he is not visual-less and people are just blind because they set their standards too high. He was trying to erase those thoughts in Suhwan and yet, he was the reason why those came back to him. " You both are two different people. It doesn't matter how i got attracted towards her because she's all in the past while you, you are here in my present and you're the only one that I love... and the person I see in my future with."

"Cheese." The first word that Suhwan said to Yuvin. Suhwan's cheeks are already burning from all the confessions Yuvin said to him. When he knew Yuvin was not really planning to break up with him, relief washed over him. Yuvin telling him that he loves him was enough but knowing the latter, he let him explain himself or else guilt will eat him up and he doesn't want seeing Yuvin sad. It will take weeks for him to recover and it'll not be good since he is in the middle of promotions.

Suhwan leaned his forehead on Yuvin's deciding that it is the best thing to do at that moment. But maybe it's not. Yuvin just unloaded a whole lot of tears while chuckling. If Suhwan was just anybody, he will probably think Yuvin is weird. But he is  _ his _ boyfriend. "You look so ugly right now, hyung." 

"I know."

"But I love you anyway."

**Author's Note:**

> Supposed to be, there's a bonus thing in this fic. It's about Suhwan addressing to Yuvin about his "ideal type" while being cuddly. I already wrote it. 
> 
> I also wrote another ending where Yuvin just finished showering and Suhwan is so flustered because Yuvin is being a tease haha but there was no smut, not even an implication of it. Suhwan was only flustered because Yuvin was half-naked.l haha Suhwan is still a baby ;n; then they talked about the ideal type thing... 
> 
> But I've decided not to include them. Haha. I love how it ended already. Most probably, there's a lot of holes in this fanfic lol But I hope you did understand what I was trying to convey, and I also hope you understand Yuvin's side even though his part was only brief. 
> 
> But maybe i'll post it in twitter? Or another chapter?  
Depends on the feedbacks haha ♡♡♡
> 
> You can talk to me at [@suwuhwanie](https://twitter.com/suwuhwanie) ♡
> 
> Stream Blurry by KookVin!
> 
> Comments are welcome ♡


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